Posted on by

The Annoying Kids’ Eating Habit Parents Should Adopt

36 Replies

Photo: Logan Antill, Flickr

This is a guest blog post by Maryann Tomovich Jacobsen, MS, RD

We were out at our favorite Mexican restaurant when the conversation at the next table caught my ear. A young boy, probably about 4, had only eaten half of his rolled taco and declared he was full.

“You have half of it left, look at all that meat inside,” the mom said. “Finish it!”

The boy went on to finish the rolled taco and the dad chimed in with “I’m proud of you, son.”

What these parents didn’t realize was that they are teaching their son that his fullness doesn’t matter — and that eating more is better.

Do parents really want kids to eat like adults?
I understand why these parents did what they did. I’m sure the boy, like a lot of 4 year olds, doesn’t eat many protein foods so the mom feels better even when he eats items like rolled tacos. He probably has days he barely eats and days he eats a lot — they want his eating to be more “normal.”

The problem with normal eating, at least in this country, is that most people have difficulty navigating the current food environment without over-eating.

Yet most kids do well naturally. Research show that kids under 5 regulate their intake very well. Food intake may vary greatly from meal to meal, but young children are masters at getting the right amount of food for their bodies.

That is, if parents served balanced meals and allow children to be in charge of how much they eat.

Why it’s so hard to raise an intuitive eater
I’m the first to admit that raising an intuitive eater is hard. Society tends to accept the story above — it’s pretty commonplace for parents to get kids to eat more, or less if it’s unhealthy fare. According to a 2007 study published in Appetite, 85% of parents they try to get their child to eat more at mealtime by using reasoning, praise and food rewards.

The biggest challenge, I believe, is the psychological one. As parents we want so badly to nourish our kids that we often get lost in that desire. We fail to see the big picture and the negative consequences that our actions can have over the long-term.

I work hard to make sure my 4-year old (Big A) has an appetite for meals at home. But when we go other places, like out to dinner with friends or parties, she often snacks on what I call “appetite killers.”

When this happens — and it’s finally time to sit down to dinner she usually takes a few bites (or none at all) and is done. People often give me the look that says, “You’re going to let her get away with that?!”

But if I make her eat more of the meal, what am I teaching her? It’s better to over-eat? I do talk to her, ahead of time, about saving her appetite for the meal. And when she says she’s done I make sure to ask her if she’s full.

The bottom line: I make a point to honor her hunger and fullness, even the times I’m disappointed she didn’t eat better, because I want her to grow into an adult who does the same.

Use your kids’ eating behavior as a mirror
We are role models for our kids…they are watching us. Big A will usually come up to me and ask, “Why did you stop eating ice cream.” or “why aren’t you eating.” And I tell her it’s because I’m satisfied or preserving my hunger for the meal.

How often do you fill up on food when out, only to go and finish your meal anyway? Maybe these little kids are on to something.

While kid’s eating-behavior can drive us crazy, the emotion it stirs in us can be used as a mirror to what’s really going on. Maybe we are too controlling with our own diet or eat past fullness and ignore our body’s signals?

Either way, we need to remember that we live in a crazy food environment where single food (restaurant) portions are big enough to feed a family of 4 — and appetite killers are everywhere.

We need, more than ever, to preserve kids’ natural ability to regulate food — and to adopt this approach ourselves. We’ll be much better equipped for eating well in the modern world. And if enough people do it, maybe portions (and appetite killers) will shrink too. I can dream, can’t I?

So tell me, how do you handle your child’s ever changing appetite? Any challenges?

 

Maryann Tomovich Jacobsen, MS, RD, is a registered dietitian, mom of two and creator of Raise Healthy Eaters, a blog dedicated to providing families with simple and sound nutrition advice.  You can also find her blogging at WebMD and writing articles for various publications. 

 

Get Fooducated: iPhone App Android App  RSS Subscription or  Email Subscription

Follow us on twitter: twitter.com/fooducate on facebook: facebook.com/fooducate

Get Fooducated

Download APP

Subscribe

Follow

  • Anne

    My son is very skinny.  He is 7 1/2 and weighs about 39 pounds.  He also has ADHD and is on medication that curbs his appetite.  It is a struggle to get him to eat.

    One thing he really likes is cheese roll-ups.  I put shredded cheddar on a whole grain tortilla and add black beans to it.  Melt in the microwave  (or skillet) and roll-up.  I will also add shredded chicken if I have it on hand.

  • Anne

    My son is very skinny.  He is 7 1/2 and weighs about 39 pounds.  He also has ADHD and is on medication that curbs his appetite.  It is a struggle to get him to eat.

    One thing he really likes is cheese roll-ups.  I put shredded cheddar on a whole grain tortilla and add black beans to it.  Melt in the microwave  (or skillet) and roll-up.  I will also add shredded chicken if I have it on hand.

  • Catherine

    I couldn’t agree more.  It makes me crazy when people force kids to eat more than they need.  I have to work hard to have a healthy attitude to food because of my own screwy upbringing so, since my kids were little, I always just ask if they are full.  My husband used to always say to them ‘you can leave the table after 3 more mouth fulls’ and I asked him to stop.  I have a very small stomach myself as I get full very quickly and my kids seem to be the same so I honor that.  Yes, there have been times when they have come back an hour or so later saying they are still a little bit hungry and I have to be on top of having nutritious snack foods/small meals on hand regularly but I also get to see my kids eat half a chocolate bar or half a bowl of ice cream because that is all they want rather than feeling they have to stuff the whole lot in.

  • Amcgann

    We constantly have these food battles with my 5 year old.  He is famous for wanting an apple, banana, or a piece of string cheese, taking one bite and not finishing it.  He won’t even touch his dinner plate unless we tell him he has to at least “try” everything on it.  We never make him lick a plate clean, but I do know how much he is capable of eating at dinner time.  Last night for example, (the house is void of snacks at the moment, it’s shopping day today) he had no snacks after lunch and we ended up eating a late dinner…he ate his entire meal, wild caught salmon, homemade rice pilaf and asparagus, and ate 3 bites of my salmon portion.  If that boy in the story didn’t complain about eating the rest of his taco, he may have been in a similar situation that I often encounter.

    Mom of 3 skinny active kids.  ;)

    • Anne

      I have had the same battles with my kids.  Especially my 5 1/2 year old.  She is extremely skinny as well.  Nutritionist have told us to limit her in between meals, then she will eat more at her main meals giving her more calories during the day.

  • G.M.

    I make my kids finish their meals because I want them to understand that meal time is when we eat, and then we’re done eating. We don’t constantly graze all throughout the day. They get a healthy and reasonable portion of food at meal time. The reason kids are overweight is because parents let them snack constantly on candy and eat greasy unhealthy meals. Not because we discipline them to eat at meal time. “I make a point to honor her hunger and fullness.” More silliness, as if kids have some intuitive self discipline and parenting just gets in the way. This is the nonsensical attitude that prevails nowadays. Kids are not self-policing, and it is not loving to treat as if they were.

    • Maryann

      G.M.

      Thanks for your comment.  If you read the research you’ll find that young chidlren are especially good at regulating their intake without being told how much to eat.  As they get older this is not the case — and we aren’t sure why – parents over control of their eating is one factor that causes them to eat in the absense of hunger.  I think it’s important to remind kids about their hunger and fullness.  What if they are comming down with something?  Do they still need to eat the amount you say?  I recently saw a boy throw up his broccoli because his parenst made him eat it.  How does this help him?

      Also, I recommend parents serve regular meals and snacks of mostly healthy foods — and let kids decide how much and whether to eat.  the structure and exposure to healthy foods is key.

    • http://www.facebook.com/bill.back Bill Back

      Fallacy of false choices.  You are arguing that kids either eat meals at mealtime or snack constantly on candy and greasy food.  There are other, valid eating habits.  Our kids were very good at regulating what they eat.  We could tell when they were getting ready for a growth spurt because they would suddenly eat a lot more.  When they weren’t they would eat less.  Both of our kids are very thin and healthy. Three squares a day is an invention of the industrial revolution, not necessarily a natural eating approach. 

    • http://conuly.dreamwidth.org/ Uly

      The child may or may not have self discipline. I don’t know.

      However, he does have access to how his tummy feels. You don’t. If you want him to learn self discipline, you have to let him listen to his feelings.

      • Krysj08

        As a parent, you control what you buy for your kids to snack on, you provide the greasy junk food. Eating several small meals is actually healthier and keeps your metabolism going. 3 big meals is more convenient but actually not as healthy. If you were to only buy healthy non-greasy foods, you wouldn’t have the problem of them ruining their diet with greasy foods then being forced to over eat at meal time.

  • Anonymous

    Agreed! Death to the Clean Plate Club!!! Why are parents so concerned that their kids wont eat? If they are not hungry don’t force it. They are not going to starve to death.

    This is a good reminder that not only must we be a role model for our kids but that they can also be role model for us. It is a two way street.

  • Carrieschenk26

    Something that needs to be included is that if children chose not to eat dinner that nothing else will served later. I think many kids say they are full knowing there will be snacks in the the not so distant future. It’s important to remind the child that this is the only meal being served and not to offer snacks and desserts when they claim they’re hungry shortly after the meal. Not only does it teach them good eating habits but it helps prevent them from become a “grazer.”

    • http://www.facebook.com/bill.back Bill Back

      An alternative that doesn’t force them to eat at dinner time if they aren’t hungry is to save their meal and allow them to eat it later when they are hungry.  This way they don’t skip the meal for junk, but aren’t learning to eat when they aren’t hungry.

  • jojo

    I have no problems with allowing my children to stop eating when they fell they are full. Often times though they are distracted or just not interested in eating at the time or they don’t eat enough because the food is not to their liking. So about bed time they have a hard time going to sleep because they claim they are “soooooo hungry” I feel that if they had only eaten when we had all sat down for dinner they would not go to bed hungry.  I could care less if they cleared their plate.  I just want them to eat enough so they wont be hungry a short time later.

    Now my wife has come up with a rather clever idea. If they do not finish their food at any meal time but they are hungry shortly thereafter, they cannot have snack foods.  They must instead eat the remainder of their meal as a snack.

    • Maryann Jacobsen

      Jojo — Thanks for the comment.  I think it’s important to remind kids, when they say they are done, that this is the last meal of hte day.  If they get hungry before bed just remind them to eat more next time.  Kids eventually learn to get enough to eat when they realise no more food is coming later. Not always easy to do but effective. 

    • Maryann Jacobsen

      Jojo — Thanks for the comment.  I think it’s important to remind kids, when they say they are done, that this is the last meal of hte day.  If they get hungry before bed just remind them to eat more next time.  Kids eventually learn to get enough to eat when they realise no more food is coming later. Not always easy to do but effective. 

  • http://www.UrbanOrganicGardener.com Mike Lieberman

    Hahah. I love it. We should take more of our life lessons from kids. They are smarter than we give them credit for and not tainted with all of the “knowledge” that we have. Ahhh to be a kid again…

  • Volunteer

    What gets me is going over to my mil’s house and my son won’t eat but very little and we all get done she is pushing candy and cake etc into his mouth.  Yesterday after he did eat a reasonable amount for sunday dinner,  (1:30 pm) she made him a plate of mac and cheese for him around 3:30 and he had never asked for it.  She just took it upon herself to make it for him.  Happens every week and once I say something it starts a war!!!  GRRRRR!

  • Ironica

    Our dinner rules go like this:

    1) Everyone comes to the table and sits with the family.

    2) Everyone gets a plate with some of everything on it.

    3) No one gets anything else until the meal is over.

    I do strongly believe that kids have good instincts about food if we don’t override them (and if the options are healthy… we *are* wired to crave sweets to an unhealthy degree, but that’s because refined sugar is, by definition, not present in nature). So if my usually broccoli-loving three-year-old doesn’t touch his broccoli, *shrug*. His body probably needs something else right now.

    My kids do snack all the time, and we will get out something else *after* dinner if they want it. They don’t get much say in meal planning, so it’s understandable that they don’t want what’s in front of them all the time. But sometimes, they clean their plate… and we can’t always predict what will be devoured, so it’s not just a matter of them only eating their favorites.

    My oldest is in the 50th percentile for height and 40th for weight, so a skinny-minny ;-) and his brother is 20th percentile for both. No worries about being overweight here. Especially since they never slow down!  We don’t limit screen-time, and yet, they still spend tons of time running around like crazy.

    It also “helps” that they both have allergies to common foods (gluten, dairy, corn, eggs) which also happens to knock out most of the artificially-colored junk food. All their lunches are packed from homemade leftovers, and we cook a fresh dinner every night.

    • Crankyunicorn

      We have simliar rules including you have to try a bite of everything. Each child also has one food that they don’t have to eat; it gives them some sense of control.

    • Crankyunicorn

      We have simliar rules including you have to try a bite of everything. Each child also has one food that they don’t have to eat; it gives them some sense of control.

  • Encytiger

    Is not the goal to eat until full then eat again when hungry? Does that not actually boost metabolism? Sure, don’t give kids treats and deserts but give them something and don’t force them to eat it all because “you think you know better”. Our kids are not pigs for the market, stop treating them as such.

  • Katy

    I try not to worry when the kids have down days when they hardly eat anything. They are both on the small side of normal, but very healthy. Some of the best advice I’ve been given was that it’s our job as parents to provide healthy food at appropriate intervals, and it’s the kids job to decide how much to eat. If you make it a power struggle, then that’s what mealtimes will be! I agree with letting kids pay attention to their own satiety signals, and family mealtime should be about enjoying our food together.
    However, I don’t like wasting food, or teaching my kids that wasting food is okay, so I try to emphasize taking the right portion in the first place, if it’s feasible to serve yourself. The rule in my house growing up was that if you served yourself, then you should try and eat it, but if somebody else put it on your plate then leaving some was okay. We always start with small portions, because you can always go back for more, but you can’t put what’s on your plate back in the pot. As long as it’s healthy food, the plates are “bottomless”. This really only works at home, which is another reason to avoid eating out.
    Thanks for the post, it made me take another look at our habits.

  • Katy

    I try not to worry when the kids have down days when they hardly eat anything. They are both on the small side of normal, but very healthy. Some of the best advice I’ve been given was that it’s our job as parents to provide healthy food at appropriate intervals, and it’s the kids job to decide how much to eat. If you make it a power struggle, then that’s what mealtimes will be! I agree with letting kids pay attention to their own satiety signals, and family mealtime should be about enjoying our food together.
    However, I don’t like wasting food, or teaching my kids that wasting food is okay, so I try to emphasize taking the right portion in the first place, if it’s feasible to serve yourself. The rule in my house growing up was that if you served yourself, then you should try and eat it, but if somebody else put it on your plate then leaving some was okay. We always start with small portions, because you can always go back for more, but you can’t put what’s on your plate back in the pot. As long as it’s healthy food, the plates are “bottomless”. This really only works at home, which is another reason to avoid eating out.
    Thanks for the post, it made me take another look at our habits.

  • Ryan Andrews

    Ahhhh – such a great post.  Thanks for this.

  • Mom of 3

    This is a good reminder for me.  I am guilty of sometimes insisting that my kids eat their nutritious meals even when they are full.  My challenge is that my 5 year old daughter will be “full” when a meal is in front of her that she doesn’t like, and *starving* an instant later when she sees dessert served.  Worse are the days when she is *starving* after her older brother’s soccer game when a nutritionally outrageous “snack” is handed to every player (and often to siblings), but isn’t hungry at all 15 minutes later when dinner is served out of the crock pot.  Anytime candy appears, she is *starving.*  And although I make her wait for real food instead of eating the junk, at those times it’s hard to be sure she’s really “full” after a meal.

  • http://www.herbaldiet.com Herbal Product

    Sometimes even kids can be good teachers. Eating and nutrition in the present is a topic of major concern with all the diseases and obesity showing an increase.

  • Lauren

    So I really love this and with the mexican example I was cringing as the dad said “good job”. I try to honor my children’s own cues and I’m a little jealous of their natural sense of satiety. However, it’s aggravating to cook dinner, have them claim “fullness” which may just mean they want to leave the table and then ask for a snack an hour later. I find I have them sit at the table but do not force eating. This way, if they are full they do not eat but if there are other motives they will continue with the meal.

  • Lauren

    PS the link to this blog does not work, just an fyi.

    • http://www.fooducate.com/blog Fooducate

      thanks, fixed :-)

  • Emily

    Thanks for this advice…from someone who is learning as I go.  My biggest hurtle is the price of food, and I struggle to throw anything away because we’re always stretching a very limited budget.  I’ve got to learn to be okay with that, or my son will grow up to look like I do. 

  • ddreyfus402

  • Pingback: Friday Distractions – SAPT

  • Robbie

     What about the environmental impacts of the food wastage? the problem needs to be addressed prior to the plate: order smaller meals, or plan to SHARE a meal with someone and see if you want more after (you nearly always don’t!)
    If the food waste isn’t composted, food waste in landfill produces methane – a greenhouse 25x more potent that carbon dioxide. I’ts a waste of those (precious) resources that went into producing the food; especially if the food has animal in it. So shift the focus away from adults forcing kids, eating too much, and pyschology and take responsibility for the valuable energy source that is abundant people in our context!

    • http://conuly.dreamwidth.org/ Uly

      Or, alternatively, have the excess packed to take home. If you don’t want to bring home disposable containers, plan ahead and bring your own reusable ones for the restaurant to put your food in.

  • Pingback: My Top 10 Favorite Posts of 2011